It has been several days, weeks, even months that I’ve been thinking about the title above, ‘What is The Meaning of Life?’. I’m not asking the meaning of everybody around me’s life. But instead of them, I’m always questioning what does it mean to me.
When I look around, I have no idea why God place me in this circle, a circle full of ambitious people. When you don’t know me well, maybe you’ll think me as one of the ambitious kind of person just like my circle. But the real fact is, I don’t know am I ambitious or not. But one thing for sure, I’m just walking through my path, that God has chosen for me. And I will always think that He’s done the best for me.
A week or two weeks ago, I had a class which invited the alumna of my major to come and gave s ‘life lesson’ to my class. He asked one by one student in class about what they gonna do after graduate. And at one time, he asked me. Boom! I had no idea what should I do after graduate. I just answered that ‘I want to have a rich husband, Sir!’. Okay, I believe that there would be no girl in world who doesn’t want to have a rich husband, right? It was a very silly answer actually. But I had no regret, at least I’ve been honest to myself and I’m proud of it.
After class, one of my friend asked me a question that makes me thought ‘Do I really like that in my friends’ mind?’. Yeah, because he said to me ‘Does your aspiration is as simple as the wife of rich person? I thought you’re a kind of ambitious person’. Hell, I’m even never thinking about being ambitious, such as being a super career woman. But I won’t deny if God wants me to be like that lol.
Okay let’s back to the topic.
Since I was in elementary school, I never have any idea what I wanna be in the future. What I knew is I had to reach the best achievement that ‘maybe’ I’m comfortable on that, without knowing what really i want. And all these times, I never know what I want. Or maybe I’m just too scared to reach what I want but I have no support. At this point you may call me as an ambitious one, but don’t blame me because I have no reason to be blamed.
Then during these months, I always wonder what life is and why God gives me so many blesses and gives me the chances that I think I don’t deserve to receive it. What I know for sure is that I won’t waste every God’s gift.
I always think what’s the happiest life in this world would be like. Is that being rich? Is that being famous? Is that being cool in front of people’s eyes? Is that having many friends? Is that having 100k followers on instagram? IT’S A BIG NO. You can happy without being rich (I believe you must know some stories about poor people but they have happier life than rich people, mustn’t you?). You can be happy without being famous (some people don’t like being under flash lamp). Being cool won’t make you happy too. Why you have to be cool if that’s just a mask? It would be a relief when you just be honest with yourself and your surroundings.
Even I have a dream that one day I want to spend a few months in a village full of cows, grass, hills, flowers, far from city life. A place where I can be the real me and not worrying about how’s life supposed to be.
When you asked me, ‘Do I have a specific plan in the future?’. No, I don’t have a specific plan. I just want to make my life easier. I don’t want to cry anymore just because of my surroundings. I must have the life which is full of love. I just want to be happy on my way, which I’m still trying to figure it out. No. I’m not figuring what is the way into happiness, but I’m making my way into happiness. Not in a specific path like motivator said, but I’ll use my feeling to find my own path. Happy is not to be found, but happy is to be made 🙂